Quarantine has given me plenty of time alone with only my thoughts for company. I’ve been able to reflect on what’s truly important in my life, the trajectory I want it to go moving forwards, but most of all it’s shown me that at the end of the day, we’re all a lot more similar than we’d like to admit.

Before COVID hit, my days and nights were filled with conversation. I spent my workdays in an open concept space surrounded by my fellow creatives, discussing whether Helvetica was overrated or a classic font choice. Nights were reserved for dinner with friends at lively restaurants downtown or throwing back G&Ts at overpacked bars, being jostled by passing bodies.

Suddenly the world went into lockdown and conversation was replaced with unbearable radio silence. We could still video chat or mingle within our restricted bubbles, but that 2-metres of social distance might as well have been 2,000 for as oppressively quiet and alone quarantine felt at times.

But in a way, it’s also brought us all together. No one is unaffected by this worldwide pandemic. We’re all experiencing the same frustrations of having our lives put on hold and plagued with thoughts of an uncertain future after quarantine. Now, more than ever, we’re able to empathize and relate to one another in ways we never could before.

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Sometimes the most soothing balm is knowing that others feel your pain and boy, do I feel your pain. Whether it’s the irritations of wearing a mask or gaining COVID weight, here are 126 Thoughts I Had In Quarantine That Everyone Can Relate To:

In regards to quarantine in general

1. *1 month in* I love working from home! I’ve been so productive.
2.*2 months in* I’ve made banana bread, made a dent in my reading list, deep-cleaned the kitchen..
3. *3 months in* Ok, I’m starting to miss other people.
4.*4 months in* There are only so many park hangs I can do. My butt is starting to hurt.
5. *5 months in* Starting to talk to my plants is not a great sign.
6. *now* What does a girl gotta do to get a hug around here!?! Take a COVID test?!

7. Someone just asked me for directions and it was the most exciting part of my day!!!
8. …that’s sad. I’m as easy to entertain as a 5-year old hopped up on sugar.
9. Quarantine has either made me more or less misanthropic than I was before.
10. More because now my tolerance for shitty people is non-existent.
11. Less because I’m so happy to be around people, even shitty ones.
12. At least quarantine is the perfect excuse to not do things I don’t want to do.
13. FOMO is not a thing since there is nothing to fear missing out on.
14. *sees person walking on the other side of the street* DON’T WALK SO CLOSE TO ME!!
15. *person coughs* GET AWAY FROM ME!!
16. *I cough once* OH NO!!
17. COVID is really bringing out the hypochondriac in me.
18. Before my biggest worry was that someone would turn me into a skin suit.
19. Now I’m worried about people breathing on me?
20. If we’re being honest, how I react to people in my personal space has been unaffected by COVID.
21. I’ll try to remember this when I’m irritated at a packed bar or music festival.
22. Who am I kidding? I’ll probably still be annoyed in packed locations.
23. I can imagine being surrounded by annoying Coachella attendees and long for quarantine isolation.

In regards to wearing a mask

24. Damn this stubborn plague of maskne (mask acne)!!
25. Thank goodness no one will see it because I’m wearing a mask.
26. Then again, I wouldn’t have maskne if I wasn’t constantly wearing a mask 🤔
27. I’m screwed if I have to take it off since I’ve only applied makeup from the mask up.
28. I miss wearing lipstick! It’ll be fine if I wear it under the mask, right?
29. Anaand now it’s smeared all over my face like I eating corn on the cob.
30. Uggghhh I can’t believe I still have to wear a mask in the summer! It’s so hot!
31. It’s like a gross, sticky sauna under here.
32. And talk about weird tan lines.
33. At least now I’m protected from spitters and people with bad breath.
34. Now people are victim to their own poor hygiene.
35. Hopefully it’ll inspire a more diligent teeth-cleaning routine.
36. And now I can tell on sight if someone sucks or not.
37. Wears a mask = educated, responsible individual.
38. Doesn’t wear a mask = douche canoe.
39. Well this renders the Face ID on my phone completely useless.
40. It makes opening my iPhone one-handed a struggle with my short thumbs
41. How are the cashiers at the LCBO supposed to tell I’m 21+?
42. They can tell I’m legal because of all the wisdom they see in my eyes.
43. It’s kind of nice to rest my facial muscles by not having to smile behind the mask
44. People can’t see my mouth but my “smize” is on point. Tyra would be so proud.
45. Watching all those episodes of America’s Next Top Model is coming in handy.

In regards to eating during quarantine

46. Being in such close proximity to my fridge is really not helping my pants situation.
47. There are no one to judge me if I eat the entire contents of my fridge before noon.
48. Who knew societal pressure was the only thing standing between me and obesity.
49. Whatever, I’ll take joy and comfort where I can get it.
50. It just so happens that joy and comfort is found in a pot of pasta right now.
51. I don’t think my waistband can take too much more “comforting”
52. Meh, everyone’s gaining weight during quarantine anyways.
53. How am I home 24/7 yet my bananas still go brown before I can finish them?!
54. I guess I’ll be that basic bitch baking banana bread.
55. Quarantine alliteration at its finest #basicbitchbakingbananabread
56. Ooohhhh, this small batch lemon loaf recipe looks good too!
57. And why not bake this cinnamon roll next? It’s not like I have anything better to do.
58. I have never baked so much in my life 😅
59. I’m becoming the perfect little house wife in quarantine 🤮
60. My heart is going to stop from all the butter before quarantine ends 😵
61. I never thought I had a drinking problem until quarantine.
62. At bars, I never had empty bottles as proof of exactly how much I drank.
63. Plus I’m drinking at home alone which is never a good sign…
64. At least I don’t have to worry about how I’m going to get home if I get drunk.

In regards to how I dress in quarantine

65. It’s ok to wear the same thing I did yesterday, right?
66. It’s ok to wear the same thing I did the last 2 days, right?
67. It’s ok to wear the same thing I did the last 3 days, right?
68. It’s ok to wear the same thi––CHANGE CLOTHES!!

69. It’s time to put on clothes that aren’t covered in crumbs and reeking of despair
70. If I wear the clothes but don’t leave the house, does it still go in the laundry?
71. Thank goodness scent can’t be detected over Zoom calls.
72. Speaking of, is it really necessary to wear pants for a Zoom meeting?
73. WFH has me taking fashion cues from Winnie the Pooh.
74. This is what I call business on the top, lazy on the bottom.

75. *puts on pants for the first time in months* What is this instrument of hell?!!!
76. Coocoocoocoocoocooooolll…either my pants shrunk or….my pants shrunk.
77. Elves snuck into my closet and tailored my pants in the middle of the night.
78. That is the only logical explanation.
79. I never liked pants anyways. Time to expand my muumuu collection.
80. My only requirement for clothes right now is that they are 10x too big for me.
81. …or is that just tacit permission to get super fat?
82. My quarantine fashion can best be described as ‘Homeless (Un)Chic’
83. Trying to counteract emotional discomfort with extreme physical comfort.
84. It’s going to be a dark day when I have to wear socially acceptable clothes again.
85. *puts on a heeled shoed for the first time in months* How did I ever walk around in these torture devices?!

Thoughts on how I look in quarantine

86. *sees myself without lashes for the first time in a decade* Is THAT what I look like?!!
87. Without my lash extensions, my eyes look like a couple of boiled eggs.
88. Most people are getting hairier during quarantine and I’m losing the little I have.
89. Oooh but I’m enjoying rubbing my eyes and sleeping facedown despite potential suffocation!
90. Not much of a point putting on makeup if I can’t see anyone.
91. With all the filters these days, why even bother?
92. I’m just going to start avoiding mirrors all together.

93. *3 months in* I don’t even remember what my face looks like anymore
94. *6 months in* What is a face?
95. Is THAT what I look like on Zoom???
96. Maybe I can chalk it up to bad lighting?
97. Well, that’s the last time I enable video
98. I should consider brushing my hair one of these days.
99. I’m going to emerge from quarantine with Rapunzel-length hair
100. But instead of cute woodland creatures you’ll find be errant Cheetos in there.
101. I am the Queen of Quarantine and my dirty top knot is my crown.
102. If I were a Disney character, I’d be a gross quarantine bridge troll.
103. Man, I feeling hot.

In regards to dating during quarantine

104. Ahhh why is this guy striking up conversation while I’m getting groceries?!

105. I’ve been in isolation for so long that my social skills have petrified.
106. In 5 minutes, he’s already told me that he’s unemployed and lives with his mom.
107. I wonder if he’d be as forthcoming without the anonymity of a mask.
108. Is he hitting on me or is he just dying to talk to someone other than his mother?
109. This is what it’d be like if a robber stopped mid-heist to flirt with someone.
110. Is that guy even cute? I can’t tell with the mask on.
111. This brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “love is blind”
112. He could be hiding all sorts of things under there…
113. Thin lips, pointed teeth, a severe case of halitosis, cold sores…
114. At least I’ll be able to focus on whether he has a good personality or not.
115. He’s unemployed and lives at home. Does his personality even matter anymore?
116. Oh, he took the mask off. I still can’t tell.
117. Is he cute or have I just not seen a guy in so long that everyone looks cute.
118. Also, PUT YOUR MASK BACK ON PLS!!!
119. What’s even the point of dating right now when you have to socially distance?
120. Let’s have an intimate conversation…with enough room for a parade to pass between us.
121. Although it would be a convenient excuse if you weren’t attracted to the person.
122. Stay 3 feet away from me! It’s not you (it IS you)…it’s COVID.
123. Remember when STDs were all you had to worry about contracting from people?
124. Now is the best time to dump those negative mindsets about being single.
125. This tub of ice cream will be my stand-in boyfriend until quarantine is over.

Serious Thoughts on Quarantine

My first reaction to stressful situations is trying to find humour in every situation to lighten the mood. The goal of this post was to try to make you laugh with these relatable thoughts I had during quarantine and hopefully make you feel less alone.

Of course it doesn’t reflect the full range of emotions I’ve experienced in this isolating time and everyone reacts to stressful situations differently. If you’re struggling right now, please get help and talk to someone about your mental health and how to cope.

The best we can do right now is to try and do the best that we can and  stay calm during quarantine.

Keep your stalking game strong and follow me @teriaki if you aren’t already!